Exhale......

this has been my attitude as of late. well...not everything sucks - just the job. but when you spend the majority of your waking hours at that job it does start to seem like everything.

i'm very frustrated. i'm tired of feeling like this. i feel like there is no job out there that i'll be happy at. i seriously feel like i'd hate anything short of being a tour guide (can't find that job) or working in a yarn store or cute knick knack store (fun but pointless and no benefits or good pay). everything out there seems to have that big corporate cloud looming over it and i am so sick to death of corporate bullshit.

seriously - i'm sick to my stomach over it. the company i work for has no fucking clue about anything. since day one i've been responsible for answering questions about a company i don't even fucking work for! and let me tell you (in case you missed it) - i'm sick of it. i answer ZERO questions about the company i work for. ZERO. i hate it. and i can't really even answer the questions becuase i have yet to get an updated phone list from that other company. not that it matters - the customer service number for that company - i constantly get complaints about how they never answer their phones, return calls or plain just don't help! seriously!

and you know what - i no longer care. i've made it a well known fact that i'm looking for another job. i've made it a well known fact that i am not happy having a guard breathe down my neck all fucking day. does anyone notice? care? no - let's just keep on giving michelle mindless tasks! if i'd known i'd be doing shit like this i'd have dropped out of school in the 5th grade. christ!

ugh...sorry. EXHALE....michelle...EXHALE......

i've been looking for another job. i even got called for an interview but couldn't get it as they were only conducting the interviews 8am-5pm (i could make it there at 5) and i can't take time off. i was pretty sick awhile back and so used up those days. i also used up my doctor time as i went ahead and scheduled them all for one day. i also actually like my boss and didn't want to leave her hanging as she's been swamped as it is (not that having me gone would mean shit as there is a guard at my desk.....). so yeah - finding a job when you have one is damn near impossible. if it weren't for the fact that i actually like having a savings account i'd quite now.

the whole point of this darned blog was to point out that i was reading a Dolce's blog - she is going through something similar with her job. her friend gave her some good words of advice 'i'm way better than the stress i put myself under working here'. so true. so true.

so with that i'm attempting to exhale. attempting to relax and rejoice in the fact that i have a three day weekend. enjoy the fact that i have the worlds greatest fiance, a great family, terrific friends, wonderful in-laws to be (who all still manage to like me despite the crap i spew out in this blog and language i use in doing so...)

exhale.......

soundtracks...

for some reason i decided to listen to 'the last kiss' soundtrack today. haven't listened to it in a really long time. there was a period - during late summer and early fall of 2006 when i listened to it a lot. listening to it tonight brought me back to that time in my life and everything that was going on. i then proceeded to sit and read through a bunch of e-mails from that time period. i had intended to come home and clean as i am hosting a book club meeting this saturday and my apartment is in no way ready to have guests...but alas i find myself sitting in front of the computer...it's 9:49pm...i'm still listening to the soundtrack and have yet to start cleaning.

My Life by Google Image

i came across this "meme" at this site and then again at this site. so - seeing as how i actually have lots to blog about but don't feel like using too much energy...here it goes...


1. Age at next birthday: 28

hey - i live there!

2. Place I would like to travel: Anywhere (with Christopher)

cheesy i know...but true :)

3. My Favorite Place: Home

4. My Favorite Objects: Yarn and Kitties

i know kitties aren't really objects but since i just got them back today...they're on the brain

5. Favorite Food: Anything I don't have to cook

i have no idea what this has to do with what i typed...

6. My Favorite Color: Red, Black and White

and it's true..i'm not...

7. My Nickname: Michelle My Belle

i know this is always the first image that pops into my head when i hear that song....what?!

8. The Place I was born: Isn't it just obvious??

9. Ideal Date: Dinner, Drinks and Monopoly

is my dorkiness not obvious?

10. Where you hope to be in 5 years: Happy

so that's how it's done!

now you do the same. simply type in your answers to Google Image Search and pick a pic from the first page of results :)

ar$%(Q&$V...wha?

this photo was taken the last time i had to pack

exactly.

it's one of those days when your brain abosolutely refuses to focus on any one thing for more than a fraction of a second. i still have a lot of packing and cleaning to do. but what am i doing? (well aside from the obvious fact that i'm at this moment blogging) i am sitting on my bed with a look of disgust and panic on my face staring at all the material shit that defines my life scattered haphazardly around me.

i want to get rid of it but i can't. i don't need all of it. until i opened the box and looked at it i probably hadn't seen it for years. i've obviously lived just fine without it but i can't seem to bring myself to toss/donate it.

it's one of those times where you stomach gets all twisted. you're brain refuese to function. you feel like a worthless, meaningless, non-motivated, hunk of junk.

i can't decide if i should scream, laugh, or cry. while i'm deciding i think i'll go take a shower. then i'll get my haircut. then i'll resume my post on the bed and stare.........

don't ask

if you watch Scrubs - this is funny and makes sense. if you don't watch Scrubs - well - you're lame

had anyone actually come up to me today to ask about my day - this is what they would have seen. okay - they would have seen me and not carla but you get the point....

why?

i don't have enough time to count them....

suffice it to say that today was a very very cranky day (minus the last 4 hours) but i feel better now