Saturday, February 16, 2008

because i deserve it - that's why!

days like today are days when i have major penis envy. today is a day when i'm positive that god is not of the female gender. today is a day when i'd rather be in labor - at least afterwards i'd have something to show for my pain and suffering. today i got my period. it sucked. a lot. a ton.

if you don't care to hear blunt blabber about 'that time of the month' then i suggest you go read someone else's blog. now. go!

still here?

alright then. so yes - periods suck ass. i understand their purpose - great. fine. whatever. there is a part of me (though it shrinks to the size of a pinhead this time of the month) that appreciates the whole process. that being said.....


today sucked. i feel like i should be used to this by now. they've always been this bad. they've always been this long (six days in case you were wondering. SIX. that's right. six. six days of hell.). i'll never get used to it though. and while some (perhaps one in 40) are better than others - today was not one of those days.

my hips hurt. my back hurt. my thighs hurt. my stomach hurt - and was also incredibly sick at the same time. my whole upper body felt like it was going numb. i was light headed. i kind of sort of wanted to rip out my insides. or die. or eat a shitload of ice cream. and i did. chris got me not one but two pints of Maggie Moo's ice-cream.

that's right. the weight loss challange ends in 2 weeks and i have 2 pints of ice-cream in my fridge. screw weight watchers. screw the male gender*. please - men get the sniffles and it's all 'oh god i'm gonna die!' ha! come back and talk to me after you feel like someone has taken out your insides - mashed and beaten them to a bloody pile, rolled them out and started to twist them until they dry - oh and don't forget the 50 knives that are getting stabbed into them the whole entire time that's going on. then you come back and talk to me about pain. you bleed for a week and then come and whine to me. and that goes to you women out there. you know who i'm talking about. the ones with the 3 day periods. the ones who've never experienced an actual cramp in your life. but don't be too mad - i don't really hate you. the opposite in fact. i'm so jealous of you - but at this moment i choose to hate you - yes.

i mean honestly. i've been going through this since i was in junior high! and i'll continue to go through it. then i'll get to push a 5 to 10 pound human being out! what i ask you - do the men have to go through? their voices change. they might get excited at awkward moments. big deal. and to top it off - they can pee wherever they want! pisha.

ugh. 3 midol and 4 advil later i feel slightly normal - if not slightly high from the over medication. i'm going to go eat some ice cream.

sorry if i scared anyone. not all my posts are like this. and i'm sorry if this was too blunt for you mother :) but i know you know where i'm coming from. ugh. ugh. ugh. ugh......

*minus chris. he has been so kind. so thoughtful. so incredibly patient. thank you sweetheart!


K-dog said...

I'm sorry. Mine suck too, but I don't think as much. I'm so glad you have a wonderful boyfriend who goes and gets you ice cream when you need it. I hope the remaining days pass relatively quickly.

Molly said...

This is how much my husband is wonderful:

Periods at high altitudes are the worst. You don't know pain until you know cramps a bazillion feet above sea level. I get it in the middle of the night, too, the start, and Ryan went to the store in Denver (we were visiting friends) before the sun even came up to get me Midol. I don't think this is the first time he's gotten up and gone somewhere far away to get me pain medication for my period too.

I remember once, I couldn't go up or down stairs or get out of bed. I was still in high school and I scared the shit out of my little sister. OWOWOWOWOW.